


A Couple of Questions

by Walkinrobe



Series: So Dramatic [22]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Sisterly conversations, The Birds and the Bees Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 00:16:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19051402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walkinrobe/pseuds/Walkinrobe
Summary: T and S each get asked a question.Jordan wants to know from Tess how often she and Scott have sex.And eleven year old Thomas asks his Dad the old chestnut - where do babies come from?





	A Couple of Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Some lovely readers suggested a chapter involving the 🦅’s and the 🐝’s talk.
> 
> I hope this doesn’t disappoint!

‘Tess, how often do you and Scott have sex?’

‘Christ on a bicycle, Jordan,’ she coughs, red wine dripping down her chin and seeping into the dark cashmere sweater she’s wearing. She wipes her chin with the back of her hand, then her hand on her sleeve.

Thank God it’s Jordan’s sweater. The weather turned cold this afternoon so she’s borrowing it.

It’s 5pm and she’s sitting with her sister. They’re sprawled out on either end of Jordan’s comfy new couch. In Jordan’s freshly decorated sitting room. In Jordan’s newly purchased house.

‘On my God. What? Why do you want to know that? You are lucky I’m wearing your sweater, if I got this red wine on my new cream blouse you’d be toast,’ she threatens Jordan, all while secretly checking the couch to make sure the wine didn’t end up anywhere else. 

Jordan’s just moved back to London after living in Toronto for the past decade. It’s going to be wonderful having Jordan close again, especially given their mom isn’t around anymore. Her (sometimes over) confident big sister is always excellent company and they’re going to get stuck into a mutually generated, very long list of sisterly things she really wants to do together with Jordan. 

However, none of those things include disclosing details of her sex life. 

Nope, nope, nope.

‘You didn’t answer the question,’ Jordan bosses.

‘That’s because I don’t want to answer the question. This is new. Why are you asking me this?’ she frowns at her sibling.

She and Jordan have a great relationship. It’s open and honest and a little cheeky. But they’ve never discussed the intimacies of their sex lives. She doesn’t want to start now. Especially when Jordan has known Scott since he was nine. 

‘We’ve shared a bottle of wine, I’ve turned into Chatty Cathy and I really need your help, Tess,’ Jordan bats her eyelashes. Her mascara is slightly smudged and it makes her green eyes look amazing.

‘With what? I’m not drunk enough to be indiscreet about my sex life. What’s really going on?’ she presses her older sister.

‘Brad and I have been together two years now. We’ve bought this house, we’ve moved in together. He is awesome. I think he’s ‘the one’. But we haven’t had sex in four weeks. Is that normal long term couple behaviour?’ Jordan grimaces.

‘Oh’ she squeaks. ‘You’re coming to me for sex advice?’

She’s a little flattered. Is she qualified to give this kind of sisterly advice? She thinks hard about her answer. It’s a tricky question. It’s the kinda question that needs to be answered with diplomacy and tact, or the consequences could be long lasting. She decides to hedge her bets.

‘Jord, I don’t think there’s a correct answer. All relationships are different. They all have ebbs and flows. What’s behind your four week dry spell? What has Brad said when you asked him about this?’ she looks at her sister expectantly.

‘Huh?’ Jordan squints.

She’s not sure what Jordan doesn’t understand, so she repeats herself.

‘What has Brad said when you asked him about why you haven’t fucked in four weeks?’

‘I haven’t asked him. And it seems so soulless when you call it fucking,’ Jordan balks.

‘Jordan, it is fucking. And fucking is not soulless. If it’s soulless you’re doing it wrong,’ she teases, raising her eyebrows at Jordan and pulling a sassy ‘are you doing it wrong?’ face.

She’s trying to be open-minded with her sister about this but she’s confused. She can’t grasp why Jordan hasn’t spoken to Brad about this issue. Isn’t that what people do? Talk to their spouse/partner/fuck buddy about sex stuff?

‘And why haven’t you spoken to Brad? It’s your sex life with him. He’ll have the answers,’ she laughs.

‘Don’t laugh at me Tess! It feels weird to ask him,’ Jordan turns a little pink. 

Is Jordan embarrassed? Why? This is not the face Jordan usually shows to the world. Interesting. 

‘Hell yeah! He puts his cock in your vajayjay, Jord. Not talking to him about sex is way weirder. Especially if you think he’s ‘the one’!’

At this Jordan turns beet red.

Oh, shit. 

Why did she make light of this issue? In hindsight that was obviously the completely wrong response to Jordan. Abort, abort, abort!

It’s too late.

‘Thank you Tess-a for being such an opinionated asshole. I’m trying to confide in you about a problem I don’t want to discuss with anybody else. Not only because you’re my trusted sister but because you and Scott seem to have this kind of stuff sorted out. I thought you’d be able to help. But at the first opportunity you shit all over me wearing your judgey-pants’.

Jordan gets up from the couch and storms into the kitchen.

She follows.

‘Jord,’ she implores ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad or judge your relationship. Scott and I have been together for a long time and I forget that relationships communicate in their own way. I’ve been immersed in mine for fifteen years. You’re right, I was been a pious asshole’.

Jordan gives her the evil eye and uncorks another bottle of wine.

‘When are Scott and the kids getting here?’ Jordan huffs.

‘After 5:30pm. They’re at hockey practice. They’ll bring pizza for dinner. Perhaps that’ll make up for me being an idiot,’ she smiles hopefully.

‘If you want to make this up to me Tess, I want you to answer my questions. Answer them honestly. I need your help,’ Jordan implores.

She’s hesitant. What questions? Does Jordan really mean questions about her sex life? The problem is it isn’t just her sex life. It’s Scott’s sex life too. She doesn’t want to betray his confidence. 

‘OK, but I’m only answering what I feel comfortable talking about. What do you want to know?’ she exhales as she sits at Jordan’s kitchen bench.

‘Same question I asked before. How often are you and Scott having sex?’

So, here’s the thing. She’s knows that she and Scott have a great sex life. The physical side of their relationship is an integral part of what bonds them together. It’s consistent and satisfying. Highly intimate. But she really doesn’t want to go into detailed specifics with Jordan. It’s something special she shares with Scott and no one else. 

‘Well, we have four kids. The youngest is three, so we’re kinda squeezing it in when we can. Although Ashy falls asleep in her own bed, she ends up in our bed nearly every night. We’ve gotta take the opportunities as they arise’ she shrugs.

‘So what, two or three times a week? I want a number Tess’ Jordan demands.

‘I’m not going to give you a number. If you really want a number you’ll need to ask Scott. I don’t want to tell you without checking with him’.

‘Fiiiiiiiine’ Jordan draws out. ‘Have you ever gone four weeks without sex?’

‘Only after I had the kids. Each time about six weeks, then straight back to the usual frequency’.

Should she tell Jordan that having sex with her husband is one of her favourite things to do? When he’s safely sheathed inside her, breathing in her ear, holding her tightly, moving with her - it’s the time she feels closest to him. No matter where they are or what they’ve got going on in life fucking each other has been an unfailing constant. But it’s too personal, so she keeps it to herself.

‘Do you talk about sex?’ Jordan is curious.

‘All the time. About when we’re going to do it, how we want to do it, what was good, what we didn’t like, how the other person made us feel, about practicalities like contraception. We have always talked about sex, ever since the first time. We were already best friends, and we’d done all that communication skills work, so we built on that. It was organic and natural’.

‘What about talking during sex?’

‘We talk a whole bunch during sex. But I think talking in general is one of our things. We talk on the ice, we talk a lot at home, especially in bed late at night. So, of course we talk during sex. We laugh a lot too. Sex magnifies all my favourite parts of Scott, his affection, his generosity, his humour’, she smiles thinking about it. She loves him. She must look wistful because Jordan rolls her eyes and makes a faux vomit gesture. 

Then suddenly Jordan looks contemplative. There’s a softness to her in this moment that Jordan doesn’t often show other people. 

‘What about you and Brad?’ she gently asks Jordan. ‘Sounds like you’re still working through the communication part?’ she coaxes.

‘Talking during sex? Check. Talking after sex? Check. Talking about sex outside the bedroom? We’re not really there yet,’ she sighs. 

‘That’s OK Jord, maybe starting with an observation about your dry spell is the way to kick off. Perhaps begin the morning after you next have sex, then it’ll seem natural and not so awkward. Something along the lines of ‘last night was great, I’ve missed doing that with you, why haven’t we done it in so long’. What do you reckon? Could you say that?’

‘Yeah, I could say that. I could definitely say that. I really like that idea, Tess. Thank you. This is why I wanted to chat with you’.

Jordan smiles and reaches across the bench to kiss her on the cheek. She loves her sister. 

The door bell rouses them from their sisterly love-in. 

‘Aha, the other five Moirs have arrived’  
Jordan jumps up to grab the door. 

She stays where she is at the kitchen bench. She can hear Jordan’s voice down the hallway. 

‘Welcome family members! I’m so glad you’re here. This is Aunt Jordan’s new house and I do not want sticky fingers, please. Tom, would you mind taking everyone to the bathroom and making sure they do a good job washing their face and hands?’

She hears Thomas give his agreement. He’s a great kid with Scott’s keen leadership skills.

Their kids tasked with washing their hands, Scott strolls into the kitchen, dumps the pile of pizza boxes on the counter and makes his way over to her. He bends to cup her face and give her a leisurely kiss on the mouth.

‘I missed my girl at hockey’ he smiles. ‘It’s not as fun without you, Virtch’. He runs his hand down her arm and squeezes her hand. She squeezes back and gives him a wink. She mouths back ‘I missed you too’.

Out of the corner of her eye she catches Jordan watching them, like a predator about to go in for the kill. She knows Jordan is up to no good. But, what? This better not be about the frequency of their sex life again.

She can hear her kids, they’re still in the bathroom. Jordan flips open a pizza box, heaps two slices on a plate and passes it to Scott.

‘Hey Scott, how often do you and Tess have sex?’ Jordan flippantly asks.

That sneaky so and so. She knew it. Motherfucker.

Scott answers immediately. Clearly her concern about breaching his privacy was misplaced.

‘About four or five times a week. That’s about right, isn’t it Sweetheart?’ he looks across to her to clarify.

She just smiles and nods, before glaring at her sister.

‘What about you Jord, how often are you and Brad doing the deed?’ Scott immediately shoots back. Tit for tat.

Jordan clears her throat.

‘I am just gonna check on your kids’ she says primly. 

As Jordan leaves the room he places his plate on the kitchen counter and moves to stand between her legs, taking the opportunity to give her another kiss. He cups her face again, running his thumbs on her cheeks before drawing her to him slowly. She kisses him once, twice, three times on the mouth before titling her head and letting him kiss her unhurriedly and thoroughly.

‘Hmmm, I suspect Jord’s not having sex as often as we are, eh?’ Scott chuckles against her mouth.

‘My lips are sealed. Sisterly secrets and all that,’ she responds while giving a sly wink.

*

‘Dad, how did the baby get in Aunt Cara’s tummy?’

And there it is. Fuck. He’s been waiting for this question. And ironically, fuck. That’s also the answer, isn’t it?

He could see his eldest son had been thinking about it. It’s been rattling around in Thomas’ mind for a couple of weeks. He’d asked how the baby would get out. It seemed like the ‘get in’ question was on the tip of his tongue a few times. But it hadn’t arrived. 

Until now. Until he and Tommy are driving back from the lake house on a sunny afternoon after they’d all spent the weekend with Cara and her family. Tess and their other kids left separately about fifteen minutes earlier.

Tess had noticed too. Spurring her to research the best way to tell kids about the birds and the bees. Of course. His amazingly thoughtful and conscientious wife, always anticipating their kids needs, wanting to get out in front and proactively navigate parenting issues instead of blindly crashing into them. She’s so easy to love, his spectacular best friend and co-parent.

In a nutshell the advice is let the kid lead, confidently answer questions and be factual. They suggest doing something alongside the child, like playing a board game or cooking, so that the conversation comes naturally and you’re not solely focused on the sex talk. And to keep answering all questions until the kid stops asking. 

Too easy?

Yeah, no fucking way that it’s easy. Motherfucker. It’s terrifying. 

He feels on high alert and that the weight of the world is suddenly on his shoulders. His mouth is dry. What if he fucks up and Tom becomes a sexually repressed lunatic. Why isn’t Tess here? She’s so brilliant with this kind of thing. He needs his wing-woman.

Although it quickly dawns on him that, at eleven and maturing quickly, maybe this is something Tom has intentionally wanted to speak to his Dad about. Alone.

Please don’t let me fuck this up, please don’t let me fuck this up, he throws out to the universe. 

OK, engage fully, focused premium parenting mode.

‘Great question, Mate. Have you got any ideas?’ he smiles and looks to Tom in the passenger seat, making eye contact and patting him on his leg.

‘Some kids were talking about it at school. They say it’s called sex. But what they said sounded so weird that it couldn’t be right’ Tom confesses.

He takes a steadying breath. Yep, well, that sounds like he’s probably heard the truth then. Fucking is a weird as fuck concept. 

‘Yeah? It is called sex. That’s right. Why don’t you tell me what they said and I tell you if it’s right’ he encourages.

Tom sighs and starts fidgeting with his right thumbnail. No guessing where he gets that particular trait.

‘It’s too weird Dad, it’s kinda embarrassing to say out loud’.

He slowly nods to his son. Both to reassure him that he’s listening and to buy himself some time to decide on his next move. 

‘You know, Mom and I have a little motto we’ve lived by since we first started dating. It’s called ‘painful honesty’. It means that we are always truthful with each other, even if it’s weird or hard to do. It’s worked pretty well for us. After all, she’s still putting up with me after all these years’.

‘Dad!’ Tom intones twisting in his seat to face at him rather than the road, ‘Mom doesn’t just put up with you. She thinks you’re amazing. You’re her best friend. She totally loves you. Big time’. 

Tom smiles his best smile. The one that lights up his whole face. He looks like his Mom. It makes him fizz with happiness.

Shit. Suddenly he has a lump in his throat. The fact that their son can see how desperately he and Tess love each other makes him feel touched. Elated even. It’s been so important to he and Tess that their relationship is the bedrock of their family and to have Tom make this observation is so fucking gratifying. He can’t wait to share this with Tess.

‘That’s a great thing to notice Tommy, thanks for saying that,’ he ruffles Tom’s hair, ‘you think that you and I could try painful honesty too? You can tell me stuff or ask me questions even if it feels a bit embarrassing or weird. There’s nothing we can’t talk about. It’s one of the perks of the father-son relationship. So lay it on me, what’d the kids say?’

He can see Tom’s reaction at this new development in their relationship. He sits up taller and a shiver of pride runs through his little body. He just loves this kid so much. He’s so proud of him.

‘OK,’ Tom starts slowly, ‘Mikey said that the Mom lays down on her back and the Dad lays on top of her and puts his penis inside her body and then a baby grows. That’s weird, right? How does that grow a baby? Like, he puts his penis where? I don’t get how it’s even possible to put his penis inside her’.

His first thought is that yep, it’s possible. It’s very possible. He’s been fucking women since he was seventeen, he’s got twenty-five years work of practical experience. Though, it’s clearly not an appropriate thing to tell your eleven year old son.

Instead, he nods again. 

‘Mikey’s right. And so are you. The man puts his penis inside the woman’s vagina and semen, containing his sperm, comes out of his penis and mixes with one of the eggs inside the woman’s body to become a baby. It can be weird when you hear about it for the first time, eh?’

He quickly glances to Tom and sees his eyes go wide. 

‘Mom has eggs inside her?’ Tom screeches.

He chuckles.

‘Yep, but there not like the eggs we eat, they’re tiny, tiny eggs. You can’t see them unless you have a microscope’ he clarifies.

‘Wow. How did those eggs get inside Mom?’

He loves Tom’s enquiring mind. Little champion.

‘She was born with them. All girls are born with them’.

‘Ashy has them too?’ Tom’s incredulous.

‘Yeah, your sister too. They’re just there waiting until she needs them’.

‘That is sooooooooo weird’ he giggles.

‘Yeah, our bodies are amazing, right?’

He thinks this is going pretty well and he is trying to put a positive spin on it. He’s starting to think he can do this. One question at a time.

‘And what comes out of the man? See-persons?’

He has to bite his tongue not to laugh. 

‘Close. It’s semen, it’s a sticky watery, kind of substance that has sperm in it. These sperm have wriggling tails that help them swim through the woman’s body looking to join up with the egg. It’s another thing that’s pretty cool about our bodies’.

‘Are there pictures of these eggs and sperm and semen on the internet? Can we look when we get home?’ Tom asks like an eager puppy.

Motherfucker.

Now they’re straying into more difficult territory. There is a whole lot of shit on the internet involving sperm and semen that he does not want his eleven year old son ANYWHERE near.

‘We can. But need to do it together. These are not things I want you Googling all by yourself, OK?’

‘Sure, Dad’.

‘Have you got any other questions about baby making?’ he wants to make sure that Tom asks everything he wants.

‘You’ve done the sex with Mom? Four times to have me, James, Oli and Ash? Does it hurt the woman when you stick your penis in her?’

He’s decided to ignore the frequency issue and focus on the second question. He marvels that Tom would even ask this, it definitely wasn’t something he thought of when his Dad talked to him about sex. Tom has grown into an impressively emotionally attuned little lad. 

And the pleasure aspect of sex can be explained later. He definitely needs Tess’ help with that part. 

‘It’s called ‘sex’ not ‘the sex’. Mom and I have done it. You’re right. That’s how we created you, Jamie, Oli and Ash. And no, it doesn’t hurt the woman. Sex is something that our bodies are designed to do. A woman’s vagina is the perfect size to fit an erect penis. I would never hurt Mom. You know that, right?’ he confirms.

‘Of course, I know that you’d never hurt Mom. Ever,’ Tom says seriously. ‘Wait. What’s an erect penis?’

‘It’s when your penis is hard’.

‘Oh, yeah, like sometimes when I wake up?’

‘Exactly. Did all that help? Have you got anymore questions?’

He can see the promised land - the end of this conversation. Please let that be the last question.

‘Not right now. Could we talk more later if I need to?

‘Of course, I’d be really happy to do that. You know, you can always ask Mom questions too. She’d be a great person to answer any question from the woman’s perspective’.

‘Thanks Dad. You know, you’re pretty cool for a Dad,’ Tom says earnestly. 

‘You’re pretty cool too, Tom’.

It feels like they’re home in a heartbeat.

‘Here’s the first two of my four men. You guys weren’t too far behind us’, Tess hugs them both at the same time, one in each arm. She kisses them each on their head.

‘Hey Mom, guess what? Dad told me about your vagina and your eggs and that putting his semen inside your body with his erect penis is how babies are made,’ Tom announces. 

Tess turns and gives him a ‘Holy shit, you’ve had quite the car trip’ look.

His face responds with a ‘You don’t know the half of it and I can’t wait to debrief with you’ look.

‘Wow Kiddo,’ Tess says. He watches Tess take Tom’s chin between her thumb and forefinger, titling his face so he is looking to her eyes.

‘Yep, all those things are right. That’s pretty cool you know how babies are made now. It’s an important part of growing up. Congratulations’.

She embraces Tom again and kisses both his cheeks. Fuck. Tess is a rockstar. She is such a great Mom.

‘Tom, how about you head upstairs and have a shower before dinner please’ he instructs.

Tom dashes upstairs.

‘Sounds like you guys had an interesting drive’ Tess laughs.

‘Let me grab a beer and I’ll tell you all about it. But first...’. he wraps her in his arms and tenderly kisses her nose, ‘thank you for being so quintessentially you and making sure we were prepared for that conversation. I would have been truly fucked if I didn’t have a game plan. That was intense parenting, I tell you’. 

‘I’m proud of you, Scott. Seems you did great. Tommy seems completely unharmed and clear on the facts. So consider it a success. Nice work, Daddy’.

She is barefoot, so she stands on her tippy toes to kiss his mouth before trailing small kisses up his cheek to position her mouth at his ear. 

‘Can you please put your erect penis in my vagina later this evening? I would like that very, very much. We’ve had three nights at the lake house with Ashy sleeping between us, I’ve missed your hands on my body’.

‘Do you mean will I do ‘the sex’ with you, as Tom called it?’ He raises his eyebrows in a wicked way and pulls Tess by her hips, so she is flush to him. 

Tess laughs again and her green eyes sparkle. 

‘Yes, please, my love, will you do ‘the sex’ with me?’ she coos.

‘You betcha, Sweetheart’.

*

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone still out there???


End file.
